May 22, 2026
Information about sperm donation is primarily presented from the recipient’s (Donnie’s) perspective.
How do I go about receiving a donation? How do I choose a donor? What will life be like after I become pregnant? These are important questions, and of course, I want to share this information.
But this time, I’m going to write about it from a slightly different perspective.
How the giver felt afterward.
I can hardly find any articles on this topic. I think that’s because donors rarely open up about their inner thoughts. However, for those considering donation, understanding what motivates donors should help them make an informed decision. I’ll be honest here.
What was I thinking when I first started this?
I began working as a sperm donor in 2023.
It all started when, after more than 20 years of devoting myself to my career, I was forced to face the reality that I didn’t have any children. At an age when it had become difficult to find a partner and start a family, I began to wonder, “Is there something I can do that involves working with children?”
There are people who want to have children but can’t. I learned that sperm donation is an option. There are no issues with my health. If that’s the case, maybe I can help.
To be honest, at first I was mostly worried, wondering, “Can I really do something like this?” It’s an activity with many gray areas, both socially and legally. I might be misunderstood. I might face criticism. Still, the feeling that I might be able to help someone else won out.
The first time we offered it
I still remember that first delivery vividly.
We went back and forth several times—from the initial consultation to the in-person meeting, the evaluation, and finally the actual service provision. The client was a woman in her 30s who was aiming to become a single mother by choice. She was someone who was seriously and thoughtfully considering her own life.
After the presentation ended, I had a strange feeling for a while.
I felt a sense of accomplishment. But I couldn't immediately answer the question of whether what I had done was "the right thing."
I didn’t even know if I would have a child. And even if I did, it was unclear how I would be involved in that child’s life. I couldn’t see where the consequences of my actions would lead. That feeling of being in limbo lasted for quite some time.
When I Was Told About the Pregnancy
We have provided the treatment to six people so far, and two of them have reported that they are pregnant.
It’s hard to put into words how I felt when I first heard the news of my pregnancy, but it was a little different from the feeling of “happiness.”
"Relief" might be the closest word to describe it.
It felt like a confirmation that “this activity had meaning.” At the same time, I also felt a sense of anxiety, wondering, “Will I be able to properly face the lives that will be born in the future?”
After our biological relationship was confirmed by a DNA test, child support payments began. I never once thought of the 100,000 yen per month as a financial burden. More than that, I had a strong sense that “as long as these payments continue, I won’t be able to forget this child exists.” Part of me also didn’t want to forget.
He’s not my “father,” but he’s not “unrelated” either.
Legally speaking, my status in sperm donation is that of a “donor,” not a “father.” I do not acknowledge paternity, nor do I have any ongoing involvement in the child’s life.
But when it comes to whether they’re “completely unrelated strangers,” I don’t really feel that way.
Somewhere out there, a child who carries my genes is growing up. Ever since I began this work, I have always hoped that this child will be healthy and happy.
At first, I was a bit confused by this feeling. Was I getting too emotionally involved? Was I overstepping my bounds as a donor?
But now, I think it’s okay to cherish this feeling. I no longer believe that “indifference” is the right attitude for a donor. I want to show interest without getting too involved. I feel that maintaining that sense of distance leads to a sincere relationship in the long run.
Changes That Have Occurred as a Result of Perseverance
After three years of doing this, some things have changed.
It all started with the question, “What can I do?” Now, I’ve added the perspective of “What kind of society will this activity help create?”
The number of women choosing to be single mothers is on the rise. There are cases where FTM transgender individuals wish to become pregnant. Couples with partners who have azoospermia are exploring their options. I hope we can build a society where these people can have children with peace of mind.
While sperm donation is just one method among many, if I can contribute even a little to ensuring that this method continues to function properly, I feel there is value in continuing it.
On Facing Criticism and Misunderstandings
Sperm donation is sometimes misunderstood.
"Why are they doing that?" "Is there something behind it?" "Aren't they just making a mess?"
I know that perspective exists. I don't expect everyone to understand it.
However, I believe that if people understand the reality of our activities, they will at least come to realize that “there are people who are acting in good faith.” We disclose the results of infectious disease tests, explain genetic risks, pay child support after DNA verification, and cooperate with requests to disclose a child’s origins. These actions demonstrate our commitment to “engaging responsibly.”
For Those Who Are Undecided
I imagine that some of you reading this article are considering sperm donation but have doubts or reservations about the role of a donor.
"Why would you do that?" is a valid question. Please feel free to ask them directly.
What motivates me to do this work? How do I feel after making a donation? What are my thoughts on the child’s future? I’ll answer any questions honestly. If, after hearing my answers, you feel that “this person is trustworthy,” then we can move forward together. If you don’t feel that way, then you should look for another donor.
I believe that getting to know a donor on a personal level is important for building a long-term relationship.
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Summary
- My motivation for becoming a sperm donor stemmed from the “regret of not having been able to have children” after devoting myself to my career for 20 years, as well as the feeling that I might be able to help someone.
- After offering it for the first time, I had this unsettling feeling of being in limbo because I couldn't see the results.
- When I heard the news of the pregnancy, I felt “relief” and “a sense of responsibility” more than “joy.”
- Legally, he isn't the father, but I don't feel he's "completely unrelated" either. I'm maintaining a sense of distance while cherishing that feeling.
- Over the course of three years, my perspective has shifted from “What can I do?” to “Does this activity contribute to society?”
- I know there are misunderstandings and criticisms. Even so, I believe that if I continue to do my best with sincerity, my message will get across.
- Hearing directly from the donor about their inner thoughts is an important step toward building a trusting relationship.
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