— A Real-Life Journey with Our Children —
"I don't want to get married, but I want to raise a child."
Women who make this decision and become mothers are called "selective single mothers (SMC)."
Although they are still a rare sight in Japan, their numbers have been gradually increasing in recent years.
As society becomes more diverse and the idea that “there is no single model for a family” gains traction, there are women who are choosing to raise their children in a way that suits them.
So, what is daily life like for a “by choice” single mother?
Here, I’d like to paint a realistic picture of her life by taking a look at the flow of a typical day.
☀️ Morning: Start the day with a child’s smile
6:00 a.m. I wake up my child, who still looks sleepy, and we eat breakfast together.
For single mothers, mornings are a battle.
To get their children to daycare or preschool on time, they have to get themselves ready, pack lunches, and even do the laundry.
You might be thinking, “Can I really do all this by myself?” but surprisingly, with a little ingenuity, you can usually make it work.
You can use frozen foods or meal kits, or prep ingredients the night before.
The key to keeping this up every day is not to aim for “perfection,” but to tell yourself, “This is good enough for today.”
More than anything, hearing my child say, “Thank you, Mom!” gives me energy.
💼 Morning: Balancing Work and Parenting
After dropping off their children, they head off to work.
Among “choosing” single mothers, some work as company employees, while others choose to be freelancers or work from home.
In recent years, thanks in part to the rise of remote work, an environment has gradually taken shape that allows people to choose “work arrangements that make it easier to take their children to and from school.”
Even so, balancing work and parenting—whether due to a sudden fever or the need to attend school events—is no easy task.
That’s why it’s important to figure out how to gain understanding and support from your workplace.
In some cases, simply being honest with a trusted supervisor or coworker—saying something like, “I’m a single mother, so I’d appreciate your help in situations like this”—can lighten your load.
🍴 Lunch: A little time to myself
Lunchtime is a chance to take a breather from work.
Sometimes I eat with coworkers, and other times I go to a café by myself.
As a single mother, it’s often difficult to carve out time for yourself, but it’s important to find ways to recharge, even if only for a short while.
Enjoying your favorite sweets or looking at photos of your kids on your phone.
These little pleasures—the ones that make you think, “Okay, let’s keep going this afternoon”—are what sustain us in our daily lives.
🌸 Evening: The hectic time after getting home
When I go to pick up my child from daycare or preschool, my child runs up to me with a smile, shouting, “Mommy!”
In that moment, all my fatigue just melts away.
Once I get home, things get hectic all at once—preparing dinner, taking a bath, doing laundry, and tidying up.
Sometimes I feel rushed and think, “There’s not enough time!” but more and more people are finding ways to do these tasks together with their children.
For example, having them help wash vegetables or turning toy cleanup into a competition.
The secret to enjoying every day is “not shouldering everything on your own.”
🌙 Night: Thoughts at the End of the Day
Bedtime is a happy moment for single mothers.
As I read picture books to my child, I watch as they gradually drift off to sleep.
"Today was tough—both at work and at home—but seeing my child sleeping like this makes it all worth it."
Perhaps that’s what makes being a mother so special.
Once my child falls asleep, it’s my time.
I connect with other single moms on social media and think about the future.
These connections—which make me feel that “I’m alone, but I’m not alone”—are a source of emotional support.
🎡 How to Spend Your Day Off
Weekdays are hectic, filled with work and raising children. That’s exactly why weekends are such a precious opportunity to fully enjoy time with my children.
Go to a nearby park, or visit a zoo or aquarium.
Even just having a snack together at a shopping mall can be a special memory for a child.
We also sometimes visit my parents at their home so they can enjoy spending time with their grandchild.
Grandparents are a huge source of support for both my mother and the children.
💭 The Anxieties and Joys of Parenting
As a single mother raising a child, there are many moments when I feel anxious.
"How will my child feel about their birth in the future?"
"If something were to happen to me, how could I protect this child?"
Those worries are always lurking somewhere in the back of my mind.
At the same time, however, being able to watch my child’s smile and growth up close brings me irreplaceable joy.
The first time they called me “Mommy,” the first time they took their first steps, and the time they showed me a drawing they’d made at daycare.
Each of these moments is a great source of encouragement and gives me the strength to believe that “I can do this on my own.”
🌈 A Look Toward the Future
It cannot be said that society fully understands the lifestyle of a “choosing to be a single mother.”
However, overseas, this lifestyle is already widely recognized and accepted as a common choice.
In Japan, too, systems and support services are gradually beginning to take shape.
These include the expansion of childcare services, government-run counseling services, and online communities where people in similar situations can connect.
As these resources continue to grow, more women should be able to make the decision to become mothers with peace of mind.
There is no “right answer” when it comes to “the relationship between mother and child.”
A society where everyone can take pride in the path they’ve chosen will surely provide a more livable environment for the children of the future.
🕯 A Little Trick for Weekday Evenings
For single mothers by choice, the evening is often when the day’s exhaustion hits all at once.
“There’s a mountain of housework left to do after putting the kids to bed…” Days like that are not uncommon.
That's where small tips for streamlining household chores come in handy.
・I do all my laundry at night and put it in the dryer
・I let the dishwasher take care of the dishes
・I use a robot vacuum for cleaning
Instead of trying to do everything perfectly on your own, relying on machines and services can help you regain some mental and physical breathing room.
That way, you’ll have more time to play with your children and read picture books with them.
🚀 A Vision of the Future After My Child Grows Up
The life of a single mother by choice changes little by little as her child grows up.
While the infant and toddler years can be challenging, once the child starts elementary school, they become more independent, and the mother’s burden gradually lightens.
On the other hand, as your child grows up, there will likely come a time when they ask, “Why isn’t Dad here?”
It’s important to think ahead about what you’ll say to your child when that time comes.
By repeatedly conveying the message, “We wanted you so much and welcomed you with all our hearts,” your child will be able to grow up feeling secure.
Life as a mother is by no means easy, but as my child grows, there are more and more moments when I truly feel, “I’m glad I made this choice.”
🌟 Summary
This article is based primarily on personal accounts I heard when I actually met with women who are “selective single mothers.”
A day in the life of a single mother by choice is busy and, at times, challenging.
But at the same time, the time spent with her child is a priceless treasure.
・Even when mornings are hectic, they start with my child’s smile
・I’m constantly finding new ways to balance work and parenting
・On my days off, I play with my child to my heart’s content and create memories
・I have my worries, but the joy outweighs them
・As my child grows, I grow as a mother too
I believe it is precisely this daily accumulation of efforts that makes single mothers so strong and charming.
“I don’t want to get married, but I want to raise a child.”
That choice is a courageous step, and it’s certainly beginning to take root as a new form of family.
And no matter what form it takes, the bond between mother and child will always enrich our lives.